Humorous Expressions

Here are few humorous lines to unwind after a hard day at home, work etc. These are lines about what people SAY and actually MEAN.

•      I Say
• 1: 'I want the best for you.'
•    I Mean
• In reality, I wish I had it for myself.
•      I Say
• 2: Don't worry, I will always be there for you.
•     I Mean
• Get ready, I am warning you, I might pull the rug out from under your feet.
•     I Say
• 3: Is there anything you would like me to do for you?
•     I Mean
• Seriously, don't even start thinking about asking me to do anything for you.
•      I Say
• 4: I will do anything for you. Just ask.
•      I  Mean 
• I am hoping you will stop bugging me and leave me alone.
•       I Say
• 5: Hey, I wish we could do this more often.
•       I  Mean
• Seriously, this is just an expression, don't take it literally.
•       I Say
• 6: Wow, so good to see you.
•      I Mean
• Oh gosh, I wish I had never made that eye contact and managed to pretend I am busy talking, reading, etc.
•     I Say
• 7: Hey Long time no see...
•      I  Mean
• Am I glad I managed to keep you out of sight and my mind for so long?
•       I  Say
• 8: Hey, we must stay in touch...promise.
•    I  Mean
• Glad I will never be around you again, glad I will no longer need to interact with you. 
•       I Say 
• 9: How about lunch tomorrow? yes? sure, sure...let me call you back say in about 30 mins?
•     I  Mean
• I need the thirty minutes to chill. Because I have already planned to cancel tomorrow's lunch. 

Ranga Rajah